In the last week I’ve been increasingly hard on myself, even though I’ve been trying not to. The second I take my eye off of the ball I’m straight back doing it again. I stayed on plan for 6 out of 7 days last week, but I spent most of that feeling dreadfully guilty about eating Slimming World food! I was genuinely hungry, so I ate more, but I couldn’t help feeling terrible about that one extra potato or using all of my syns.
This is most unlike me. Normally as long as it’s on plan I don’t think too much about stuff like that, although I have been trying to be conscious of when I’m actually full up and listening to my body’s signals. That part has been going really well, but when I got the munchies I started feeling bad. That culminated in me having a slip Monday night, and that crept into Tuesday morning. Weigh day of all days!
Because I skipped weigh in last week one of my typical epic gains wasn’t officially recorded. So if I had gone last week, this week I’d be showing a loss. But since I didn’t I’m showing a gain of 1.5 lbs this week, making it 2 lbs on over the last three weeks. At first I only focused on the negatives, but then a friend reminded me of my gain and that in fact I’ve lost weight this week. So what I thought was a terrible fail is actually a win! Also 2 lbs in three weeks is nothing! Not for me anyway.
I battled the whole day with whether to go (and stay) to group or not, and eventually I decided to just get out there and do it. At the very least it would add 5,000 steps to an otherwise very lazy day! I’m glad I did in the end, because when it came to my turn to speak I just told them the truth – that I seem to have lost all motivation and I just can’t be bothered. I even confessed that I wasn’t even sure I’d be having an on-plan meal or not when I got home. I was still undecided.
The group members were lovely and confirmed what others have told me – that I’m being way too hard on myself. On my walk home, which is only about 20 minutes, I mulled things over in my mind. Despite all of my slips over the last few weeks I still only need 3 lbs off to get my 7 stone award.
What with getting all excited about size 14’s, then being disappointed that a pair of jeans with ABSOLUTELY NO GIVE IN THEM (some ladies in group last night pointed that out and I realised it is indeed true, no wonder they’re so far off fitting…) my goals all of sudden went from seeming within arms reaching to feeling like they’re a million miles away.
There’s also the fact that I’ve been invited out for a few things that involve food, and I’ve realised that I really want to do them. Just lately I’ve been either saying no to these things or sticking to plan when I’m out while everyone else is eating the nice things. Sometimes, well most of the time, I’m totally OK with this, but just lately I’ve been feeling a bit left out.
I’m not saying I’ll do this all the time, but for this season I’ve decided to go easy on myself and relax a little bit. When I say relax I don’t mean I’m going to stuff my face with everything I see, I mean that in the near future me and my sister will meet up for a Costa coffee and I will have one of their vegan mince pies. And possibly a black forest soya latté, we’ll see how I feel.
And I invited myself out with my dad for dinner (you can’t rely on him to make plans) and we will go to Zizzi’s because they have a ton of vegan options and it all looks delicious. Also he’s a cheapskate and he can use his Tesco Clubcard vouchers to pay for it, although that’s besides the point! The key thing is that I need to stay on plan for the rest of the time. I really want to learn how to do that.
There are a few other things I want to do, or at least I don’t want to go out thinking that I absolutely MUSTN’T do them.
I’m keeping a small goal in mind – and that’s to lose the 3 lbs to get my 7 stone award by the 19th of December. I think that will keep me on track 99% of the time, and because I’m not feeling deprived I’m hoping I won’t be setting myself up for massive binges. For the next few weeks I’m looking to just tip the balance a little and have small but consistent losses, and ditch the I MUST HAVE EVERYTHING NOW mentality that I’ve recently acquired.
I’ve been quiet on the blog because it took a helluva lot of thought and the weighing up of pro’s and con’s to develop this strategy. Now let’s see if it works!
When I got home from group I did have an on plan meal, and I have a nice Food Optimising-friendly shop coming from Tesco later on. As much as I feel a lot better about things I don’t trust myself in the Christmas aisle! I’m also doing a more physical job tonight that I volunteered for. It’s not my turn, but when I do this job I burn more calories plus it has the added benefit of the manager not having to force someone to go who really doesn’t want to. I told myself a year ago that I’d volunteer much more often, but it’s only recently I’ve felt comfortable doing this job. Until now I felt too self-conscious because of my size and would avoid it if at all possible, even though I believe the system for sending people to other departments is grossly unfair. So now I can do the right thing for others and burn more calories doing it. It’s a win-win!
On Monday I walked into town and I couldn’t have picked a better day for it. I left quite early, and what with it being the beginning of the week the park I walk through was virtually empty. Although it was cold the sun was out and everything was so still and peaceful – it took me a while before I realised it was the absence of the geese that made it so quiet. I assumed they had migrated for the winter, but then I looked it up and found out that Canada geese don’t actually migrate. I consulted my brother, who cycles through the park every day, and was informed that sometimes they just bugger off to a different park and they’ll be back soon enough.
I went into CEX (a wonderful shop which is also in keeping with my new-found ethical shopping strategies) and picked up a little something for my mum. She was saying that she fancied watching the original Jurassic Park but couldn’t find it to watch on Netflix or Amazon, so I found her a blu-ray copy for £3 which we all enjoyed watching that night.
I also got a Christmas present for my friend who wants to watch Breaking Bad but is suspicious of Netflix. I found him a box set for £18, then spent an incredibly guilty time at the checkout while a very nervous young man had to find all of the three million or so separate discs, check they were all there and then put them all in the right place. Poor guy! I remembered what my favourite blogger here said about leaving people happier then when you found them, even if it’s a stranger waiting to cross the road or someone serving you in a shop. So I spent the time having a little chat and making sure he knew that I was in no rush. And that the time it was taking was totally my fault for choosing such an awkward box set! Another guy at the checkout reliably informed us both that the Spooks box set is by far the worst one, so that made us both feel a little better.
All in all it was a nice shopping trip, but my bank balance is better at losing weight than I am and it lost many, many pounds. That’s it for Christmas shopping until next payday then! Thankfully I’m nearly done, so I can concentrate on stocking fillers and cute decorations as and when I see them now. That’s my favourite part, it’s the thoughtful little gifts I like getting the best.
So there we have it. Things aren’t all that bad and the plan is in place to make it better for next week. Let’s have a good one!
Thanks for reading,