Wardrobe Malfunctions

A few posts back I met my brother at our local park for some walking and bird-photographing. What with all the excitement of the crazy drunk man, I forgot to tell you about my wardrobe malfunctions! I spent the entire time I was out hitching up my knickers and leggings which was extremely uncomfortable. And if at any point the leggings did stay up then my knickers fell down underneath them and sat just underneath my bottom. Which isn’t pleasant at all.

When I got home I did some exercises on the Wii and during a 3 minute jog-on-the-spot activity they both gave up entirely and ended up round my ankles. So I had a little shopping spree, and now I have enough tops, dresses, leggings, jeans and knickers for me to wear a different outfit that actually fits me every single day. I know this won’t last long, because I’m still shrinking, but it’s still a very nice feeling.

One thing I didn’t factor in though, is boob shrinkage. I got properly measured for some bras not so long ago and thought I could make them last but sadly this is not the case! The other day I wore a little vest top to bed and when I woke up my left boobage had escaped through the arm hole! Part of me was dismayed at the little pink pancake lying there on the bed but for the most part I just had to laugh! I also told the story to my mum so she could have a little giggle too.

Then at work that night I bent over to pick something up and both boobies escaped over the top of my bra, but thankfully no one was around to see me adjusting myself. So this week I’ve been wearing a different bra, my last viable option, but last night they attempted to escape via the bottom of said bra. So tomorrow I absolutely must make a trip into town to get supplies before they really try to make a break for it.

As happy as  I am with my current progress, this week has been a real struggle. And it’s all down to tiredness. I don’t think there’s any particular reason for it, I’m just a tad under the weather and need to listen to my body. For the first time in a very long time I’ve had to relent and put resting above all else, which feels just plain wrong. On Wednesday I got a reasonably good sleep before work but by Thursday morning I was so tired I felt ill, and for the first time ever I didn’t hit my rate at work. Thankfully it’s measured as a weekly average so I think I’ve done enough to make up for it but it’s just not like me at all. So instead of getting my daily steps in I’ve been getting extra sleep which is incredibly boring, but sadly necessary.

Physically I am feeling a lot better now thanks to me being uncharacteristically sensible, but in typical fashion someone upset me on the way out of work (just as my weekend started, too) so I’m also feeling deflated and damn well angry. A man in front of me was making fun out a man in front of him. I was angry enough already, because I’m just sick to death of how utterly obsessed the people I work with are of other people’s appearances, and how they think it’s OK to criticize people in their exaggerated whispers, but then he says ‘ha, he looks like Hayley’. Someone then pointed out that I was standing behind him, and I asked him what he meant by that. Because I’m genuinely not sure. He paused for a really awkward amount of time then just said ‘I don’t know’. At this point we had reached the exit and he made a run for it, but I’m just really upset by his remark for some reason.

I think he was trying to say that I walk funny, which I do (as that is how my bones fit together and there’s nothing I can do about it and also what the bleep does it matter) or that my jeans don’t fit as he would like them to. The chap walking in front of him was very tall (like me) doesn’t have much in the butt department, and our knees go inwards. And because of our unconventional butt shapes jeans don’t fit us exactly as they do everyone else. Well I’m so sorry for that!

When I next see the criticising man I’m going to brave and tell him that he was being very rude, then I won’t speak to him any more. Just like I don’t speak to the man with the ‘no fat chicks’ sticker on his car or the guy who wouldn’t ‘do’ Jennifer Aniston because she (allegedly) has ugly knees.

The sad thing is that I think these people behave the way they do because they hold themselves up to impossibly high standards, and I do wonder how miserable they actually are. I can’t see any other reason for scrutinising everyone’s tiniest little faults. I suppose the only alternative is that they’re just downright mean, which I can’t really bring myself to believe.

On the plus side, in between sleeps, my sister popped in before meeting up with her friends for a meal to teach me what she learned at a calligraphy course the other day. She’s a teacher so it was fun to get a lesson from her, and there’s something really wholesome and satisfying about doing calligraphy,or calligraphizing as I intend to call it from now on. It’s also good for keeping your mind off of food or mean people because it does take a surprising amount of care and concentration (although I still managed to get ink everywhere regardless). In future all of the birthday cards I write in are going to look awesome!

As for the rest of the day I’m going to spend it chilling (might as well since that has been the theme of the week so far!) and trying out some new things after my Ocado shop has been delivered. I’ll let you know what delights I purchased (and whether they were in fact edible) next time.

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x

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3 thoughts on “Wardrobe Malfunctions

  1. Well I start started by laughing about your boobs tunnelling to escape (one imagines them throwing a baseball at a wall in a small room, just biding their time, Steve McQueen style) and then ended by feeling sad you work with such knuckle draggers.

    Some years ago I worked in a warehouse too – although on a much smaller scale (no forklifts – just pump tucks) and I have to say my reason for leaving became how people read the paper every day.

    Firstly they all read the Sun. Secondly, it was like watching synchronised swimming when they were in a row as they all read the paper the same way.

    1. Stare briefly at the front page, not read it, open to page three.
    2. Declare if said tits were ‘ace’ or ‘mingin’
    3. Close paper, turn over to the back and read the sport
    4. Argue about what idiot kicked which ball where.

    Ultimately it was my catalyst to move into education – and now (many years on) I’m grateful for the experience. Although at times it was frustrating it made me more robust and ultimately propelled me into one of my better life experiences elsewhere.

    Just keep on doing what you’re doing, ignore the haters and tuck your jubblies back in 😄👍🏽

    Liked by 1 person

    • I suppose it’s good that they weren’t reading the Daily Hate-Mail, but still, not ideal.

      I would like a change, career-wise, but I have absolutely no idea what to do. And I need to get my spending under control first because I’m really well paid where I am now yet always live beyond my means. Now I have the eating under control I keep telling myself I’ll do the same with money but… I like THINGS too much 😂

      For now I must do as you say, just keep ignoring the idiots I work with and hope for the best!

      Liked by 1 person

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