The Near Future

Next week I’m doing something I really don’t want to do.

When my sister first moved into London I dropped some bits off to her in the car, and that day I swore I would never, ever drive in London again. It’s a relatively simple journey pretty much involving only three roads, but there are so many bloody traffic lights and so much traffic and so many buses and cyclists and people everywhere and just… argh, I’m getting stressed writing about it! Yet I’m a complete sucker because when my sister asked me a couple of days ago to help her move I only went and said yes. And I’m absolutely dreading it. There’s no time of day I can go where I won’t be hitting rush hour traffic, it’s going to take multiple journeys, and I’m borrowing a people carrier from my friend so I’ll be in an unfamiliar car. In a way I should be thankful I drive a ridiculously big BMW so at least the size of it won’t be a complete shock. I’m still not relishing the thought though. The move is happening on Tuesday, and I keep finding myself turning it over and over in my mind even though I know I’m blowing it all out of proportion. I drove back from Scotland in one day (an 8 hour drive) with no problems whatsoever. In fact I enjoyed it! So I’m sure it’ll be fine, I’m just finding it really hard to keep my positive head on.

On the plus side I was weighed yesterday and I really doubted I’d lost enough to get my 6st award. But I was wrong! I lost 3lbs and have now lost 6st on the dot. Not bad considering my aim was to have that award by the end of the month. Now I have a new goal for July – to get into the 14 stones. I have 4.5lbs to go and I’m damn well going to give it my all!

Being at this weight has been bringing back some not-so-pleasant memories, but it’s OK because I need to think about these things in order to make sure history doesn’t repeat itself. I dug out my old Slimming World books (I keep telling myself I’m going to throw them out but I can’t bring myself to do it) to have a look at my stats from around this time.

They weren’t good.

Things were terrible between me and my boyfriend and I was in a state of constant anxiety. My losses/gains reflected that! Take a look at this:

12/03/2013  -7.5

26/03/2013 +8.5

02/04/2013 -6.5

09/04/2013 +8

16/04/2013 -10

So overall I lost weight, but that is not the way to go about it. In the May my ex’s nan passed away, and while she was ill I wasn’t allowed to see her to say goodbye. Because my ex can’t (won’t?) show any kind of emotion, I wasn’t allowed to go to the hospital because that would mean seeing him. By the time the funeral came around I was 14st 7lbs, my lowest ever Slimming World weight, and the most unhappy I’ve ever been in my whole life. No wonder the weight went back on shortly afterwards.

I only started being truly happy towards the end of last year, and it was a long, hard slog to get to that point. I had to question absolutely everything. Like what do I actually like? What do I enjoy doing? What is important to me? I had to figure all of those things out and more, and when I did it was the best. thing. ever. Of course they aren’t set in stone, I’m still thinking about them all the time. But when I do I start to get excited about the future. At least I generally do, when I’m not dreading trips into London! But by this time next week it’ll all be ancient history.

Then I really can say never, ever again!

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x

 

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3 thoughts on “The Near Future

  1. First of all – congratulations on the 6 stone award. You should be justifiably proud. You’ve done (and continue to do) brilliantly!

    Secondly I hear you regarding London. One of my all time worst driving memories is crossing that urban mess of angry people who seem to sit on their horns instead of car seats for a funeral. I don’t blame you for not wanting to do it – but on the bright side, you’re going for a good reason and it won’t last forever. My fingers will be crossed for you 🙂

    Thirdly – I spent some time a while back (you may have read about it as most of my brain ends up in my blog) looking at my old weight watchers stats – as well as my slimming world ones. It’s painful – but I’d recommend keeping them. They represent not failure, but evidence of progress and a conscious move towards a better way of life. Although (much like many of my memories about the reasons things got out of control) they probably represent a lot of pain and bring back thoughts about a bad relationship, it’s important to work through those feelings and make your way to a better place through the emotions rather than around them.

    You may not be like me (in which case all power to you) but I avoided far too much for far too long.

    Fourthly – Quorn makes me fart. It’s official. Your veggie voodoo ways produce evil gas when I attempt to partake. I feel better for sharing.

    Fifthly – Keep up the good work. x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for points 1,2,3 and 5. As for number 4, you are not alone in that respect! I can’t remember if I mentioned in a recent post or not but my brother went veggie last week. He hardly ever toots but since he started eating Quorn, well, I swear he’s making up for lost time. Have you tried Linda McCartney red onion and rosemary sausages? They’re very nice but oh. my. god. they do something terrible to my inner workings!

      I totally agree with your thoughts the old weight loss stats, at least I do now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. When I was just starting out I couldn’t stand to look at them, but now it’s another tool to use to make sure I don’t end up right back where I started!

      Liked by 1 person

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