29.9

After 47 weigh-ins today I hit a pretty significant milestone. In a way, anyway. I don’t believe that BMI is that helpful in the big scheme of things, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to be in the healthy range. At my heaviest recorded weight my BMI was 42.3 but today it is 29.9. And do you know what that means? I am no longer classified as obese! As of today I am ‘only’ overweight!

I feel really heavy today, which I did put down to the heat, but I’ve been keeping a close eye on these things and I had a sneaky suspicion it was to do with my hormones. I’ve also been pretty hungry. So I checked my lady-things app and sure as dammit, exactly the same as the last few months, these feelings coincide precisely with my ovulation! This is a really useful tool for me, because when I look in the mirror I actually see myself as fatter than at other times of the month, even when I weigh the same. I can look at a photo and see that I’m not any bigger, but in the mirror it’s a whole different story. If I recognise what’s happening though, it means I can stop myself from panicking.

This week I lost 1.5 lbs, but if I’d had a gain or maintain I would have been able to look at the facts rather than overreacting and burying my face in a tub of ice cream. Just a few months ago, maybe even weeks, I know I wouldn’t have been able to do that. Knowledge is power!

To top it all off, I also got my five-and-a-half stone award, so I’m somewhat over the moon! My goal for next week is to lose a pound, which seems a bit safe but when I lose that pound it will mean I have less than three stone to go until I reach my target. Plus it’s an achievable goal, and I don’t want to get ahead of myself and start thinking too much about the future.

Do you know what, I just can’t help it. My sister took some updated progress pictures for me this weekend, and even though I’ve only just done some, I just can’t stop myself sharing these. So I sincerely apologise for not being able to control myself!

I’m also finding that I’m lot happier having my arms out. I’ll probably write a proper post about this one day in the future, but when I was in my teens/early twenties I self-harmed, and I’ve never really spoken about it properly. I’ve thought about it a lot, and now know why I did it (and why I stopped) but if anyone asks what the scars on my arms are I kind of freak out. But I’m learning not to worry about it so much, and I’m also less concerned about my rather large bingo wings. They look OK when my arms are down, but if I point to something in the distance I look like one of those gliding squirrels! However a friend of mine video called me the other day to show me his homemade forge (it was awesome) and I was wearing a sleeveless top but I found that I didn’t care if he saw my flappy arms! I’m pretty sure he couldn’t give a damn either!

I’m really enjoying my new found body confidence, because I’ve weighed less than I do now in the past but never, ever been as comfortable in my own skin as I am now. Perhaps I’ll be a nudist by the time I’m at target?

I’ll leave you with that rather disturbing thought…

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x

 

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3 thoughts on “29.9

  1. Love this post 🤗

    If it’s any consolation I too suffer from bingo wings (and the occasional moment of related angst) but like you I feel so much better in every other measurable way that it’s become largely inconsequential.

    As you so rightly say – the people who care couldn’t give a toss anyway – and who want the people that DO in your life anyway. Keep the arms out – you’re looking ace in the before and afters 😄👍🏽

    Liked by 1 person

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