Backtracking

Ooh I’ve been naughty and haven’t written a blog in a while! In my defence… actually nope, I have no defence. I’ve just been a bit crap. So what’s been going on since last time? The week before last I lost 1.5 pounds, which is lovely and all, but on the way home from group I decided to go off plan and eat a ton of chocolate. After that I had two days on plan, then the rest of the week was mostly a disaster.

Do you remember me saying that I wanted to have a more colourful life? Well I did try to find colourful clothes but nothing suited me, so instead at my hairdresser’s appointment on Friday I instructed him to go as mad with the dye as he wanted. This was the result:

The picture doesn’t even do it justice, it’s just AMAZING! It’s so vibrant it’s unbelievable. So I was pretty chuffed with the end result, that is until I got home. I looked in the mirror and realised how exposed my face is now that my hair is even shorter and I admit it- I had something of a meltdown. It’s like all of the confidence I’ve gained over the past few months has just up and left me, but don’t worry, I’m working hard to find it again. That day I totally ate my feelings and ordered a massive takeaway of falafel, houmous and chips which doesn’t sound too bad, but the portions were enormous and the falafel was deep fried. It was yummy, but it occurs to me how little sense it makes. I am worried people can see too many of my chins so what do I do? Eat food that’s guaranteed to give me an extra one! Yeah, how stupid!

After that it was all downhill. I was back at work Saturday night and to be honest I was ready for a fight with the first person who criticised my hair. Thankfully I only had to contend with one rude person who greeted me not with a hello, but with ‘oh my god what have you done? You looked so pretty before, you’ve ruined it’, which was just lovely, but I told him how rude he was being and off he went. Everyone else was (uncharacteristically) very kind indeed.

Sunday I started thinking about the work drinks scheduled for Monday, and over these two days I learned some very important things about myself. One is that I should listen to my instincts. I decided that I didn’t want to go but I did anyway, because I didn’t want to let people down. Even though those people got there roughly three hours after they said they would… The other thing is that I no longer enjoy alcohol. I did put away a fair bit of booze but not once did I feel drunk. I felt sick from the first pint of Magners, which I used to really enjoy, but it was sickly and bloated me out. Someone bought me a Fireball Whiskey and coke which was disgusting– I had one mouthful and donated it to another member of the group when the person who bought it for me went to the toilet! By 9:30pm I was ready for my bed so before everyone else hit the clubs I made my escape. Oh yes, I forgot to mention I had a giant pizza on Sunday night, and on the way to the station on Monday I stopped off at a Tesco Express where bought yet more chocolate and some other bits and pieces. When I got home me and my mum watched some TV together while I ate an entire brioche loaf, then I got myself to bed before I could do any more damage.

I woke up the next day, which happened to be weigh day, feeling not positive as such, but like I can actually do this. The fact that I didn’t want to go out on Monday threw me for the whole week. Or more accurately I let it throw me. What I should have done was just stick to my guns, not go, stay on plan and be happy. But I made myself miserable by trying to force myself to enjoy something that just isn’t me any more. While we were on our way to yet another pub I looked longingly at the Costa Coffee over the road and daydreamed about how wonderful it would be to be sitting in there enjoying a flat white with my sister…

Anyway! I braved weigh in on Tuesday evening even though it was the very last thing I wanted to do, and discovered that yet again I have had an epic gain. But it was ‘only’ 9 lbs this time! I need to stop doing this because not only does it make me miserable, but according to my Fitbit my heartrate rockets every time I eat extreme amounts of food. Clearly it is putting a lot of strain on my ticker, so I need to stay in control in future.

My mission from now on is to only spend my precious free time with people who are helping me to achieve my goals. Not because they are particularly going out of their way to do so, but because the things we like doing together just happen to fit into the whole Slimming World lifestyle. I haven’t seen much of my dad, well, ever because mostly he doesn’t give a crap, but also because when I do see him it’s always centered around food. I’ve asked him if he wants to come out on a walking adventure with his children but he isn’t the slightest bit interested! He is however happy to walk along the seafront with his girlfriend’s family, but I’ll save that particular rant for another day…

So the rest of May will probably be spent undoing one weekend’s worth of damage, then it’s my Snowdon trip at the end of the month. I still have no idea what to do about food for the trip, so it’s going to take some research. Which I’ve been saying for a couple of weeks so I really should get around to that!

It’s time for me to get ready for work now (story of my life) so goodbye for now!

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x

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4 thoughts on “Backtracking

  1. I know at times like this there’s very little someone can say to drown out negative thoughts in your head, and if they’re still there it’s likely that you’re the only one that can banish them – but nevertheless I feel the need to remind you that you’re still winning at life. You have goals, dreams – and even though you’ve had a bump in the road nothing has changed.

    You still want to be different and to make things even better – WHICH YOU CAN TOTALLY DO!

    Snowdon is on my list too (as you probably know) but I’ve not yet set a date for it. I think that I’m going to have to. I keep on saying ‘one day’ instead of THIS DAY and I think that’s going to have to change.

    As far as hair and chins go – I feel your pain. For years I hid behind quite long hair (before I pre-empted baldness) and eventually a beard too. I foolishly thought people would ‘see’ the awful truth if I shaved them off – but the truth was hair doesn’t really hide anything.

    The people you know will still see the person they love and the people you don’t will see someone with some funky taste and think how much colour someone like you must bring to the world. I like it. Keep up the experiments and don’t be afraid to be who you are.

    Although… I do feel sorry for the parrot. He must wonder why he has such spiritited plumage competition and feel rather mundane these days 😄

    Poor little guy lol 😊

    I the meantime – chin up chuck. Just keep swimming. You CAN do it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aw, thank you for your lovely words! I am feeling totally super-duper awesome today so that’s good. I think something good may happen on the scales on Tuesday, and if not I don’t really care! I feel better now my off-plan bloating has gone and I got in extra steps by going backwards and forwards to the poxy loo lol.

      Yes, you’re so right about hair not hiding anything. And I used to have my hair in a ponytail anyway! I recently tried contouring, which if you don’t know is a makeup technique that’s supposed to make your face look thinner. It entails smearing brown over your face to imitate shadows, but in actual fact unless you are in a studio with perfect lighting you just look like you have a dirty face. So if you WERE considering trying it, I’d say don’t bother…

      Haha Pea is actually a she, so in the bird world it’s common for the female to be quite plain. However perhaps she now thinks I’m her human father rather than her human mother? On second thoughts I’m pretty sure she only ever thinks ‘is there any millet?’ so I should be OK!

      PS Is there any photographic evidence of a long-haired Davey?

      Liked by 1 person

      • There is some photographic evidence of younger, hairier Davey 😄 although none have survived from the shorter ‘lost years’ period when it pretty much covered my face and was short at the back. I’ll see if I can find something appropriate and put it on the blog 😏

        Glad you’re faring better anyway – you looked really happy in that pic with your camera a few blogs ago. Keep the walking and the smiling going 🤗👍🏽

        Liked by 1 person

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