Since I was young I have not really cared for happy, feel-good things. My younger sister on the other hand couldn’t get enough and since we shared a room I was forced to watch Grease until I was ready to poke my own eyes out. I’ve also been thinking back to when I was a teenager and how much I picked up from my parents without realising it. It’s only recently it occurred to me that sadness is not a default setting for humans. I always expected bad things to happen and when they eventually do (well that’s life ain’t it) I felt a sort of bitter smugness that I was right. See, I told you everything is crap! In the last few months my thinking has shifted though, and when I feel bad (which is a rarity compared to how I used to be and is usually caused by external circumstances) I seek out happy things to make me feel better.
My number one anti-sadness tool is the Netflix series Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. I was talking to a friend who, like me, loves the series Archer which is hands down the most inappropriately hilarious show I’ve ever seen in my entire life and I love it like I would my own child (if I had one). A couple of Christmases ago I got a tweet back from Amber Nash who voices one of the characters and it was one of the biggest fangirl moments of my life! But anyway, I digress. This friend recommended Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and he’s never seen me wrong with recommendations in the past so despite my misgivings I gave it a try.
While I was watching the first episode I really wasn’t sure. Out of the two main characters one is absurdly flamboyant and the other relentlessly positive- two things in the past that I have despised! But oh my god how I love these characters now! Some if it is really cheesy, cringey humour but I love it all, and am currently watching the series for the fourth time. I was watching it on my lunchbreak at 4am today and was laughing out loud at some of the lines, such as Kimmy getting advice from a drunk psychiatrist who says that ‘happy people value their own needs as much as otherses’ which is the kind of therapy I reckon I would go for! When my parents divorced we had to see a couple of family therapists and it was not an encouraging experience. The first man we saw wore a turtleneck and didn’t say much at all other than the old cliché how does that make you feel? and spent the entire session hiding his chin in the neck of his top then poking it out again- exactly like a turtle going in and out of his shell. Then we saw another lady who tried to get my brother to open up. We had all been speaking except him then she said ‘and what do you think?’ Two times I nearly died- the first time he was asked that question he said that the pattern on the curtains looks like fish hooks, and the second his answer (it’s making me chuckle right now) was I need a poo. Love him! And he hasn’t changed…
So yes, when I’m feeling a bit down in the dumps Kimmy and Archer are my go-to remedies. I think to myself ‘what would Kimmy do’. Not so much ‘what would Archer do’ because that would probably involve copious amounts of alcohol and at least one prostitute.
Work was a little better last night. The shift manager who threatened to suspend me wasn’t in and another manager who I don’t work for came up to me and said he had heard what was going on and just wanted to say that everyone is really grateful that I’m just getting on with doing the job despite everything. He also said that if I ever need to talk to come straight to him. How lovely is that! That’s the kind of support that is lacking elsewhere. Then the acting shift manager came and said much the same thing. My own manager was his usual self and did nothing of any help throughout the shift, and another manager phoned me up while I was trying to deal with people who needed my help to tell me she couldn’t print off some properties another manager was viewing so could I watch the printer next to me to see if anything comes out. See this is the kind of crap I really don’t need when I’m trying to get on with my work! I mean, really? If you are that desperate to use company resources to help another manager show his missus what nice houses he’s found that night then please don’t drag me into it. Or at least get up and walk the 20 steps or whatever it is and have a look at the printer yourself. It drives me potty, but I’m trying to keep out of trouble so I said nothing. Just bottle it all up Hayley and it’ll be fine in the end! Thankfully I have an outlet here at least…
Food has been spot on today. That’s nearly 48 hours of being back on plan after my little blip and I feel totally in control again. Yesterday I made an enormous pasta bake and ate the other half for my work lunch. It weighed about the same as a toddler so and was completely free so it filled me up nicely. Then this morning I dragged myself out of bed early to go on an Aldi shopping trip with my friend. As it happened he was slightly late so I went out in the garden to photograph some of the frost. This wasn’t as fruitful as I imagined it would be because our garden is really barren at the moment, but at least the frosty bamboo was nice and vibrantly green still.
The trip to Aldi could have been stressful as it was so busy in there, and I felt so sorry for the poor man trying to replenish the fruit and veg section. Now that has got to be a stressful job, trying to negotiate a whole pallet of food around shoppers who more closely resemble zombies. Knowing that I wasn’t spending the whole day there like that guy chilled me out a little! I got some good fruit and veg bargains, the light Benefit bars that count as a B choice and best of all Brooklea Light Skinny Latté yoghurts. I hadn’t expected to be able to get my hands on these, after all getting hold of a limited edition Muller Light was always next to impossible for me. But now I’m a veggie I can’t have Muller Lights because they contain gelatine. Brooklea yoghurts, however, do not! So I was chuffed to bits to get them. I am so easily pleased.
Ending the day on another positive, it is my last night at work before the weekend, again the evil shift manager is not in, and tomorrow I’m round my dad’s for dinner. For the first time EVER he is being totally supportive of my weight loss. I think I’m the only person left who does Slimming World but hasn’t tried Actifry chips, which they are treating me to as his girlfriend won an Actifry in a competition. I don’t think I can get one myself because if they have Teflon it’s harmful to my bird. But I’m really looking forward to trying them anyway.
So goodbye for now and I hope your weekend is going swimmingly!