In the last three days I’ve gone from being not happy at work as such, but content at least, to feeling awful and nearly being suspended. This desk job I’m being forced to do… I just can’t do it any more! A while ago it stressed me out so much that it messed with my hormones and my monthlies stopped. I went to the doctor who wanted to sign me off work for two weeks, but I was in the middle of probation for a permanent contract that I’d waited 7 years for after being a temp all those years so I didn’t want to mess that up, plus I was scared of losing my job. I thought being permanent would give me more rights, but apparently that will only get me so far. So even though the top Union guy tells me the desk clerk role is an additional role and it doesn’t come under my warehouse operative job title, and I am under no obligation to do it, for the time being the only way I can not do it is to refuse it three times then get suspended. Since the reason I don’t want to do it is that I can’t cope with the stress, I believe that putting my job on the line would be marginally more stressful. So for the time being I have to put up with it until my Union Rep can talk to HR on Monday. Hopefully I will be officially ‘deskilled’ and they won’t be able to ask me to do it again after that. I really hope so, because I’ve done it for 6 years and during that time it has messed with my weight loss attempts so many times. From the day I stepped down (or at least tried to) I’ve lost over 3 stone!
In the meantime I have to be honest. I snapped yesterday and ordered takeaway pizza and ice cream. Normally I order a 20″ pizza for £10 but I ordered the smallest size they do (which is still £10, dammit) and didn’t finish it as two-thirds of the way through I realised I wasn’t enjoying it. The ice cream though? Well I demolished that. I chose the chocolatiest, sickliest flavour to hopefully put to bed any of those sweet cravings. I do feel incredibly disappointed in myself but I got straight back on plan afterwards and am keeping everything crossed for a small loss on Tuesday. I haven’t felt this bad in months and months then all of a sudden, BAM, I feel so down it’s untrue. The only reason I’m not staying in bed the entire day is because I have my little parrot to look after. She’s wonderful at making me feel better, I wish I could just hang out with her all the time and not have to deal with grown up things!
Because I’m feeling so crappy I’ve decided to hold off going for my Gold Body Magic award for a week or two. Something has to give somewhere and I’d rather it wasn’t the food, so I’ll stick at Silver level because I don’t want to give up and start from scratch. My sister has challenged me to reach my steps goal today so I can’t let her down now can I? So that’s some exercise at least.
Finally, ending on a nice positive, a onesie that I bought two years ago now fits me again so I’m feeling nice and snuggly despite how bitterly cold it is outside! Hopefully next time I post I’ll be back to 100% happy Hayley.
Thanks for reading!