The Stages of Acceptance

Every week, starting a couple of days before weigh in, I go through a cycle of worry. Even if (or especially if) I’ve been 100% on plan, I start to think that I feel enormous and can’t possibly have lost any weight. This stage of disbelief builds up until I’m standing in the queue to be weighed, where I go very quiet and metaphorically cross everything I have. The second stage is stepping on the scales and realising I have actually lost weight and being briefly accepting the fact. This is the best part! The third and final stage starts on the walk home from group where I’m convinced the scales had a malfunction just as I stepped on them and maybe I haven’t lost as much as I think I have. This is more of a niggling feeling, until a couple of days before weigh in when I’m certain I haven’t lost any weight. I hope that one day I’ll learn to trust the plan and the scales completely, but if past experiences are anything to go by it’s not all that likely! Maybe it’ll happen when I’m at target (a magical place I’ve never been to before) and not so much hangs on the results.

Anyway speaking of weigh ins, I had mine last night and was shocked to find I’ve lost 4.5 lbs, taking my total to 2 st 13.5 lbs. That 3 stone award is within my grasp! This week was just like any other and I was absolutely convinced that I hadn’t lost despite being on plan since Boxing Day. Other people must be seeing something I’m not though because a lovely lady at group commented that my weight loss is now really starting to show, and I received a sort-of compliment from a man at work too. One man (who I’m friends with, I won’t accept this behavior from just anyone) pulled my ponytail as he walked past, which prompted the other man I was talking with to say he thinks he fancies me because of all that weight I’ve lost. Which was nice in a way, because I also had a little chuckle that he thought pulling my ponytail was evidence of this. Honestly it’s worse than school at my work. When I first started people were convinced I was sleeping with a man I became great friends with. Which was not very likely what with him being gay and all! Still, it was nice of this chap to notice and in the long term it helps me to stay on track. It can get a little disheartening when you’re losing the weight but your mind has yet to catch up with your body.

Today I finally got off my backside and did my first kettlebell workout in weeks. I did start to do a couple of 15 minute workouts here and there, but then my knee, which was already hurty anyway, became a lot more hurty and I had to stop. I stubbornly kept walking as much as I could because I want all of my Body Magic awards, and I’m currently on the last week of Silver. For Gold it includes two sessions of strength training so the kettlebell sessions will be perfect for that. I thought I was going to have to go to the doctors about my knee but touch wood it hasn’t been playing up for a couple of weeks. If it can withstand these workouts which involve a fair bit of squatting, then I think I’m home and dry. If you fancy giving kettlebelling a go (is that a word?) then this is my favourite workout at the moment, which includes a warm up. Some don’t, I’ve found. It’s nice and simple and as easy or as hard as you want to make it, depending on the weight of your kettlebell. I start off with an 8kg then drop down to a 4kg when I wimp out. Just remember if you are going up or down in weight to use the same weight each side or you’re going to be wonky at some point!

After that The Skinny Bakery took me on a trip down memory lane. This is the first time I’ve made an order and amongst other bits I got these gingerbread men. You get three and the whole pack is only 5.5 syns!img_1982

My nan used to buy me gingerbread men whenever we went out shopping and that was the last time I had one as she died many years ago. It’s weird how you forget about these things until something gives you a little nudge and it all comes back. I’ve bought a few other bits from The Skinny Bakery and I’m looking forward to giving them a try. By the way when the gingerbread men arrived they did have all of their buttons, but I dropped them on the table when I opened the packet. In my defence my arms and hands were all wibbly from my workout!

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And with that it’s nearly time for me to get dinner sorted and maybe have a nap for work tonight. It seem cruel and unfair that I have to keep going back there! But then how else am I going to fund my new-found Skinny Bakery addiction?

Thanks for reading,

Hayley X

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