Harvest

Pea is growing new feathers again which means that she is grumpy. This usually manifests itself by her shouting at me all day to be let out of her cage then resolutely refusing to come out – her ideal scenario is that I am awake but leaving her alone while she sits on her perch with the cage doors open. I’m fairly certain I could go to sleep and she’d be absolutely fine, but there’s always the chance she’ll go exploring without me and chew through an electrical cable or something else equally as deadly. So it’s not worth the risk. When she’s like this, which thankfully isn’t too often, I don’t tend to get much sleep during the day. Yesterday I slept in until the very last minute then very lazily drove to the Lidl’s around the corner because the only speed foods I had left in the house were lemons and limes.

I went in for mushrooms and courgettes but I came out with neither. I completely forgot about those before I even stepped into the shop because outside my eye was caught by some beautiful autumn heather. It was only £1.79 so I thought why the hell not!

I’ve got to say that Lidl is totally on it when it comes to the autumn produce. I’ve already been getting excited about fig season because I love them and the season is oh so short. Lidl provided, and I had my first figs of the year.

I’ve also been keeping my eye out for seasonal squashes. Again Lidl did not disappoint! I picked out all of the prettiest ones, and although it’s almost a shame to eat them it’s an even bigger shame not to. On top of that I got some beetroot, which I’ve never, ever cooked for myself (I’ll be having a go later), ‘Unicorn Carrots’, which are baby carrots and parsnips in various colours, and I got the very last packet of buttonhole kale. Just look at all the colours!

I ate the carrots with dinner yesterday – I just roasted them in Frylight and a little bit of garlic salt – and they were heavenly. As was the kale, it’s the prettiest-looking veg in the pan.

Today has been another day of not quite enough sleep, as I spent the morning driving my friend around after he scrapped a car. I was glad to help thought because it’s the same car/people-carrier-type thing that he loaned me to help my sister move. Thankfully the engine didn’t choose to fall apart until long after the job was done. My friend is obsessed with anything that has an engine and has another two cars left, plus a motorbike, so I think he’ll be OK getting around for the time being.

Last night at work marked a sign of things to come. I ordered some cheap thermals to keep me going until the work allowance comes through and last night I had to wear them for the first time. It’s all downhill from now on! All in all I’m feeling really happy about it though, because in the past I’ve bought all of my own cold weather gear due to being too ashamed for my manager to know my size. This year though the large I bought for myself fits comfortably so when it comes to ordering from work I’ll be getting medium tops and large bottoms. MEDIUM! REALLY! That’s something of a far cry from the XXL’s I was wearing last year that fit me like a second skin!

As anyone who’s been reading my blog for a while knows I’ve spent the last few months struggling to get into the rhythm of things, but as bad as I felt over that period of time, that’s as good as I feel now. I’m sure it’s because for the first time in my life I had a bad spell and instead of letting it consume me I worked through it and carried on. If I can do that after all these years of failing, then I think I can do just about anything.

Hayley x

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Thoughts & Excuses

First things first. My week 60 (yes, 60!) weigh day results are in and I have lost a very respectable 2.5lbs. This puts my current weight at 15st 0.5lbs so there’s just one teeny insignificant pound to go until I can see those 14’s! In recent months as soon as I’ve got close to a new stone bracket then self-sabotage has set in and I’ve had a massive gain.

Not this time though.

I’m still 100% focused. I still have two chocolate bars in the fridge that are untouched and I’ve even added a tub of the new vegan friendly Ben & Jerry’s that has just been released. This may seem very dangerous, and in the wrong hands it is, but never fear because I’m totally in control. I did save up the syns over the week for one of the chocolate bars, but then I found that I didn’t want it. So in the fridge it stayed.

I’ve noticed a real change in my attitude towards food since I’ve been back on plan, and it’s also made me think hard about things that I always assumed to be true.

When I was in junior school we went on a bus that had been converted to be an educational space about health. The man there gave a talk and although I can’t remember much else about it, the thing that sticks in my mind was him saying that quite often when we have a headache it can be because we are hungry. Well I clung on to that ‘fact’ like a lifebuoy and never let go! How many times in the last 20+ years have I assumed I had a hunger headache? How many of those times have I loaded up with sugary foods and probably made my headache worse? Too many to count I’d guess. In fact I used to suffer from daily headaches but now I think of it I’ve probably had about 4 in the last year. Even then they were most likely hormone-induced. I have no doubt that the decrease in frequency is directly related to my weight loss.

Another thing I remember hearing about, more recently this time, is that the brains in people who are overweight may not know when their stomachs are full. Again I just assumed it to be true and used it as an excuse for eating really excessive amounts of food, even when I’ve been dieting. It may well be true, but it isn’t necessarily true for everyone. It might have even been true for me, once, but I know that certainly isn’t the case now.

In the last two weeks I’ve half-consciously been modifying my meals. I’ve reduced the amount of chips or wedges I have with any given meal and upped the less energy dense foods. On top of that my overall portions have been smaller and have even fit on one plate! This is unheard of for me. I haven’t noticed that I’ve been any more or less hungry than usual, but last night I cooked way too much food by accident yet piled it all on the plate anyway.

Half way through, and I’m talking literally as I’d eaten half of the food, I noticed that I didn’t want any more so I stopped eating. It wasn’t the kind of meal that would keep well and I knew I wouldn’t want it later, so although I hate wasting food I threw it away there and then rather than putting it in the fridge for a couple of days and throwing it away later. It seems that my stomach and my brain are perfectly in sync after all, and if I’m honest in the past I’ve known full well when it’s time to stop eating and have simply ignored the signals and carried on until I feel sick. It’s hard to admit to at the time though.

The other thing that often weighs heavily on my mind is that (apparently) after dieting only 5% of people keep the weight off. In the past I’d use that as excuse when the pounds started piling back on (I’m sure you can sense a theme here, I have a whole plethora of excuses!) I’d tell myself that it was inevitable, that it wasn’t my fault. I don’t doubt that there are biological functions that make it hard (OK, really damn hard) to keep the weight off. But it’s not impossible and regaining the weight is not inevitable. The more knowledge we arm ourselves with when it comes to things like this the better, because it means we know what to expect, and more importantly how to fight it.

At the beginning of this journey I was saying to myself ‘I’m going to be part of that 5%’. Now I’m saying to myself, ‘I’m going to be part of the awesome group of people who make that 5% go up to 10%, and beyond’. Because now I truly believe that we can all achieve our goals despite everything that’s against us.

On a lighter note (no pun intended) the fabulous people at Quorn have been working on expanding their vegan range and I’ve managed to get my grubby little mits on vegan burgers and BBQ strips. The strips have just been added to Syns Online and they’re free, but the burgers aren’t on there yet so I’ve sent pictures of the packaging off to Slimming World. I’ve also sent pictures of the Ben & Jerry’s, so that I can eat it as part of the Slimming World plan as and when I feel like it.

Linda McCartney are also bringing out a load of new stuff for autumn/winter and although I couldn’t get my hands on a delicious-sounding roast, I did manage to pick up vegetarian beef, mushroom and spinach bites. How nice do they sound? Linda McCartney already do a fairly large sausage roll and despite the pastry it’s a very reasonable 7.5 syns (and it’s delicious dipped in Tesco Free From salad cream, too) so I think these bites will be reasonably synned. I’ve sent pictures of the packaging of these, too, so we will soon find out!

Finally, although it has taken weeks of looking I’ve found Oatly Barista, which counts as an A choice and is meant to be really good in coffee. The thought of a black coffee still makes me feel a bit iffy at the moment, but I could really go for a latté right now and Oatly Barista is meant to be the best plant-based milk when it comes to hot drinks. I’m looking forward to giving it a go, and if you’re really into fancy coffees the label says it’s foamable too!

Right now I’m off to rub myself with Ibuprofen gel as my neck is still playing up. The good thing about that though is that I get to marvel at how I can feel my shoulder blades and every little vertebrae in my spine. It’s just amazing!

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x

Ouch!

I’m not going to hit my weekly goals this time around. I haven’t done any exercise biking, and even if I did some today that would make it one session rather than the four I’d planned. Oops! I’ve just been terribly sleepy this week but where I’ve made sure I’ve had enough rest for work I found the work week not only went quicker but I was crazy productive and worked my butt off. I don’t particularly care for what my managers think of me, but I do take a certain amount of pride in a good night’s work and it also means I’m more able to get a favour such as holiday when it’s probably fully booked or working in an area that I prefer.

I was going to get on the bike today anyway, but I slept funny last night and I’m having some fantastic spasms in my neck and shoulder. It was a bit twingy this morning but I’d planned to go out early and search for coats so that’s what I did.

I saw one on the Asda website for £25 and I’m so glad I went to check it out for real rather than ordering it because it was a pile of crap. It was so thin, it was barely thicker than a rain mac (the kind that folds up into a pocket) and I already have one of those! For some really stupid reason I had decided to visit Holland & Barrett first and presently the frozen vegan sausages I had in my bag were slowly defrosting, so I legged it Primark for a last-ditch attempt. I’d already looked online at other shops in the town centre and knew that they were out of my price range (damn you , expensive yet beautifully made, exceptionally comfortable vegan shoes!) so it was Primark or bust.

I got into Primark and my heart sank. I wanted a Parka-type coat as a jacket is no good for me – I still have to have something covering my tum. I picked one up – they had it in a size 18 (I’m an 18 on the bottom, 16 on top, so if it’s going over my tum then 18 it must be) but… looking at it I thought there was absolutely no way it was going to fit. And Primark don’t even do a size 20. I decided to try it on anyway simply to see just how far I’d have to go before it fit, and whether it would be worth buying it now and making do with jumpers and cardigans until I can lose more weight.

But… it fit. With room to spare! I could have got the 16, but I thought it wise to leave myself room for jumpers underneath if need be. Plus it has drawstrings so as  I lose weight I can pull those in.

It looks quite snuggly, doesn’t it! Thankfully the fur trim is of the faux variety (and I’m sure of that, because it feels somewhat scratchy) but look how warm it will keep my head once the weather gets worse! And also it fits well enough that I think it will stay on in a strong wind rather than flipping off.

This coat was £23 so I still had a bit of my budget left to spend. That wasn’t what I intended to do, but on the way to the changing rooms I saw a trench coat. I used to have a size 16 trench coat from GAP waaaaaaay back in the day which I absolutely loved. I wish I’d kept it, because it was really good quality. I suppose it must have become too depressing to hold on to at some point. Again I didn’t think it’d fit, but then it did, and I was over the moon!

It’ll be absolutely no good if I’m outside for any length of time, but as long as I can get the night off in December I’m going out for dinner for my sister’s birthday and I’m really looking forward to it. I already have an outfit in mind, but if I don’t have something to cover myself with then I will freeze to death between the car and the restaurant. So I thought it prudent to grab this coat for only £14 while it’s there and I am oh so chuffed with it.

I don’t know if you can see from the picture but it’s belted so again, there’s more life to be had from it once I lose more weight. It pulls the tiniest bit at one of the buttons over my breasticle, but at the rate they’re shrinking it honestly won’t be long before it fits perfectly! I sent this picture to my sister and she loves it, so if she doesn’t have one by the end of the week I’ll be very surprised.

It still amazes me how there is such a thing as having a positive experience during a shopping trip now. I used to come back from town feeling miserable and defeated, often with a load of crappy food to try (and fail) to make myself feel better. Or a load of frumpy old lady clothes that I hated but it was all that would fit. Those days are gone, never to return.

Once back from town I drove my mum to the chemists to sort out a prescription. She has them delivered now but this particular one confused them and she had to sort it out in person. As we were queueing my neck started spasming and the damn thing hasn’t really stopped since. It hurts just to bring a cup up to my mouth so I thought it best not to get on the bike after all, and instead had a nap as I had an awful sleep last night.

The sleep didn’t do much to alleviate it, but I don’t even care because now I’m rested, there’s a ton of new seasons on Netflix of shows that I love, and best of all it’s weigh day tomorrow and I have another week of sticking to plan 100% under my belt!

Here’s bit more honesty for you – I still haven’t mastered the not weighing daily thing. So I know roughly what to expect but it’s not the same until it’s done on the official day at the official time. Let’s just say after last week’s result it’s not going to be an amazing loss, but then I never thought it would be. After my recent shenanigans as long as I’m losing every week then I’ll be a very happy Hayley indeed.

I’ll let you know how I get on tomorrow!

Hayley x

Snowbesity

Every day this week I’ve left for work with sweat on my brow. I’ve been layering up because I as a result of losing 6 stones-worth of insulating fat I just can’t cope with the cold any more. Each night before I’ve left the house I’ve thought to myself ‘this is mistake, I’m going to melt’ and as soon as I get to work I think ‘ah, no, you should have worn more layers’. I didn’t order any thermals from my work clothing allowance last year because I still had some from the year before, and although it’s free I don’t just get it for the sake of it. But I gave that lot to charity in the spring because it was all too big anyway. I simply cannot wait for this years allowance, which normally comes through around the end of October, so I’ve had to order a few cheap bits from Amazon.

Because of all the layers I’ve been wearing so far (and it’s still only September!) I’ve felt really frumpy and uncomfortable, which has had a surprising effect on my positivity. It was like I felt that I was putting on weight just because I looked bigger in all those clothes, even though I know that’s not true. The mind is a strange thing, so I just gave myself a mental shake and carried on. I feel better now! I heard the term snowbesity on a comedy show (Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt) and it refers to when you don’t know if someone is fat or not because they’re wearing a winter coat. It instantly brought to mind the people I work with because in the spring when everyone stops wearing boiler suits and whatnot they all look really skinny!

Speaking of winter coats I’m going into town to search for one tomorrow. Today I’ve been having a sort-out and I’ve been absolutely brutal with the clothes I have and haven’t kept. There are some summer bits that I’m quite fond of but there’s simply no point in putting them away for next year – they’re already too big as it is. Now my wardrobe mostly consists of black work tops but I’m going to try hard not to buy too much new stuff this winter. A new coat has to be an exception though, because the two coats I’ve had for a few years absolutely drown me now so they’ll be going to the charity shop along with my summer bits. I’ve been looking online and Asda seems like a good bet, as it has to be cheap. I have no intention of that coat still fitting me come this time next year, and judging by how focused I am right now I’d be surprised if it whatever I get isn’t comically big on me by the spring!

I mentioned recently that I can’t drink coffee any more, and I have finally found a replacement. It’s handy because I don’t need sweetener with it or have to prepare it like I do posh coffee. It is simply tea, earl grey, hot, so you can call me Pickard from now on. I’ve been drinking it like it’s going out of fashion so I wonder how long it’ll be before I get absolutely sick of it and I’m left searching for another hot beverage? Hopefully me and the earl will have a good run.

I would love to have a nice long weekend post for you, but unfortunately this week has just passed in one big blur and there’s not much to show for it (until we get to pay day that is) but I will say that I’m having a love affair with my bed since my sister donated a memory foam mattress to me. The only problem is getting out from under my warm snuggly duvet.

You’ve got to appreciate the simple things in life.

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x

Dressing Up

A year ago today I’d had a delivery from ASOS. I was going out with the people from work and I’d bought something that I was sure would cover me up sufficiently and be relatively flattering. But then I took some photos and the truth was revealed.

You can see by the look on my face how happy I am about that particular purchase! That outfit never saw the light of day, and by the time I remembered to try it on again it was too big. It went to the charity shop to find a new owner and start a new life. Fast forward to now and sometimes I still see that person looking back at me, because I’m not really sure what I look like any more.

I was talking to a chap at work who is about half a foot shorter than me, and he was telling me how he’s 13-stone-something, and although he’s happy with his weight he’s going to the gym because he wants to be fitter and get more muscle definition. Which is cool. But then it occurred to me that although men naturally have more muscle tone and all that guff, I’m not actually that much heavier than him. It’s just mind boggling, I can’t get my head around it, because this chap is just totally normal-looking. To think that I’m just two stone away from being his weight is just unbelievable!

I’m so used to thinking of myself as huge, I don’t know how to think of myself now. How big am I? I don’t even know.

I tried on another dress last week that I bought about six months ago and although looking at it now I can see how well I’ve done, sometimes I look at the same pictures and see something else entirely. It all depends on what mood I’m in, so how can I ever be sure that I look OK? The truth is that I can’t, I can only go by how I feel at the time. One day I’ll look back at this picture and not like what I see, but right now I’m really pleased! Or perhaps even next week I’ll come across it and despair at how far I have to go. Then the next minute I’ll be marvelling at how far I’ve come. It’s hard work living in my brain sometimes!

I also wonder about how I’ll feel when I eventually stop losing weight. I know there will be other goals to consider, especially fitness ones, but it’ll be weird to not put so much importance on getting smaller. One thing I am looking forward to when it comes to target though is making some environmentally conscious fashion choices. On the one hand I love the idea of going to Primark and picking up a whole wardrobe’s-worth of cheap clothes, but deep down I’d probably rather invest in a few better quality pieces that are going to last me years. I’ve just bought some vegan shoes which should break in like real leather (plus they’re gorgeous) so I’ll make sure I keep them in good order and get them resoled when it’s needed. And possibly start wearing the other 20 pairs of shoes I already have?

Ethical clothing is expensive, so I was reading about alternatives like clothes swaps. There’s also the fact that seasonal clothes can go into storage and come out again next year. Imagine consistently being the same size over a year! It’s something I hadn’t even considered until now. Imagine having a friend you could swap clothes with. Crazy!

I’m filled with excitement and apprehension about how things are going to go in the coming months, I’m just trying to find a balance between being patient, keeping the momentum going, staying motivated and also enjoying the ride.

At the moment I want everything NOW, but nothing that good ever came easy.

It’s hard, but totally worth it.

Hayley x

Results

I’ve been thinking about what I’ve done differently this week. My steps have suffered where I’ve concentrated on getting enough rest, and although I’ve been on the exercise bike it hasn’t quite been enough to compensate and my calorie burn has been a bit lower than usual. On the food side of things, I’ve been eating a lot more beans and pulses, my syns have been a bit lower than usual, and I’ve eaten a lot more speed than usual. That’s with both quantity and variety. I’ve also cut down on free foods like Linda McCartney red onion and rosemary sausages. Originally this was because of how windy they make me, but then I decided it was about time I stopped putting 6 sausages on the plate in one go. Two is actually enough!

The biggest difference has to be that I actually stayed on plan for 7 whole days. The end result?

9 lbs off! 

I wasn’t expecting this to be the case. I was hoping for a good loss, and I was certain I was going to get my 5-and-a-half stone award back. But did I think I’d be getting my 6 stone award back too? Nope, I absolutely did not! I first earned it on the 17th of July and my plan after that was to get in the 14 stone bracket. Instead I (albeit briefly) ended up in the 16 stone bracket. I have 1 lb to go before I’m back to my best loss of 6 stone 2 lbs then I’m in a whole new territory. And my aim then is to really get into the 14 stones by the end of the month, or at the very least early October. I only have 3.5 lbs to go! All I have to do is not sabotage myself.

As such my goals for the next week are much the same as last week’s, but here they are written down anyway, for accountability purposes.

  1. Stay on plan for the whole 7 days
  2. Do four exercise bike sessions
  3. No Daily Weighing!

I failed miserably on the weighing in front last week, but I did hold off for five or six days so it was still a great surprise to see that the number had gone down dramatically. Still, there is clearly room for improvement. I shall simply try again! Apart from that I smashed all of last week’s goals.

My weight loss goal for next week is to lose at least 2 lbs. That way I’ll be at my lowest Slimming World weight (in recent years, anyway) and it’ll be my third loss in a row.

Now I’m going to try and get a pre-work sleep despite that fact that I’m buzzing with excitement. I can actually do this!

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x

After the Storm

Today I feel like I haven’t stopped, but at the same time I haven’t really achieved very much at all. Maybe it’s because I didn’t sleep too well last night, and that’s because everything went a bit screwy around bed time.

After we’d all finished watching Blade Runner I was messaging a friend and not really paying attention to what was going on in the room, and while this was happening a disagreement was brewing between my mum and my brother. I had a feeling there was going to be some sort of conflict because my mum had been really argumentative the whole day. Whereas I (probably from my childhood years spent trying not to antagonise either parent) am quite good at letting things go and diffusing the situation, my brother is too young to remember the old times and hasn’t had much practice. Or sometimes he just won’t back down as a matter of principle. It’s just his nature.

A little while later I thought things were OK-ish, so I got myself off to bed. Ever since I first started working nights I’ve worn earplugs to bed, and now I can’t sleep without them, but even with them in about half an hour later I could hear shouting. I managed to stay upstairs until I heard my mum shouting some stuff that was totally made up, and about me, so I couldn’t control myself and went down to give my money’s worth. Thankfully it all kind of got sorted and everything is kind of OK again, but these things really take it out of me. I’ve always hated living in that kind of environment, and whenever things kick off (which admittedly was rarely but is now worryingly increasing in frequency) it takes me right back to when arguments like this between my mum and my dad were at least a weekly occurrence. As a result my resting heart rate has shot up despite it usually dropping like a stone when I get back on plan. In fact is was dropping steadily until yesterday. Hopefully we get a nice long run before there are any more arguments, because there really isn’t much I can do about the situation.

There are many reasons I can’t and don’t even really want to move out, and I can’t change my mum’s attitude after so many years. My brother is too stubborn so I wouldn’t even attempt it. But being screamed at because it’s apparently your fault your mum doesn’t watch Casualty any more is not much fun. It sounds ludicrous writing it down, but it’s actually frightening because I genuinely think, no I know, that she needs help. Unfortunately I can’t seem to get it for her and the last attempt to calmly talk to her about it ended up with some great conspiracy about me and my brother basically gaslighting her because we are just awful people. Or so she thinks.

I don’t know, I just wish I could get her counselling or something, but when she saw the doctor about her depression getting worse he gave her the web address for Therapy 4 U. She watched stupid videos totally unrelated to anything she’s going through and filled out irrelevant multiple choice questionnaires. Needless to say it did not cure 50 years-worth of depression and anxiety. Weird that.

There are so many more layers to the situation, so many things that I could talk about that I don’t even know where to start. All I know is that these feelings need to be outside instead of bottled up inside.

Anyway, things are calm and civil between us all now. Fingers crossed it stays that way for a while.

The good thing (or the excellent thing I should say) is that I did NOT use food to comfort me. I’ve had an excellent on plan day today, and weirdly I seem to have (at least temporarily) acquired a willpower made of steel. I have two and a half Mini Vego bars in the fridge, which are absolutely delicious vegan chocolate bars with whole hazelnuts them. The problem is that even the Mini bars have almost twenty syns in them! Somehow, miraculously, two days this week I had a quarter of a bar and I still have half of one bar completely untouched. I haven’t gone over 12 syns any day this week! It’s complete madness, but I’m not knocking it that’s for sure. Long may it continue!

Another good thing is that between putting my washing on the line, it raining, taking it off the line, raining, putting it back on and eventually relenting and using the tumble drier, I got some lovely rainy autumn shots for the photo album. We did have an actual storm (not counting the one last night) and once the clouds had blown over everything was fresh and clean and lovely again.

We also have a mad amount of apples on the tree this year, so much so that some of the branches are nearly touching the ground. A lot of them have been partially eaten by unknown critters, but because it’s such a bumper year I think we have enough sacrificial apples to ensure there are plenty left for us too. Speed food that doesn’t cost a penny? Yes please!

Finally me and Pea had a wonderful day, and she let me touch her wing with my lips. Because she was parent-reared instead of hand-reared  she won’t let me touch her, she’ll only perch on me. So we’re working on our trust (lips are much less scary for birds than fingers) and hopefully, one day I’ll be able to scritch her neck and help preen new feathers coming throuh. The good thing about her being parent-reared is that she’s much less prone to behavioural issues, but I do sometimes wish I could touch her like my sister does with her birds. Mostly because I think it will be nice for Pea, for us to have that bond. Even if it never happens though, as long as she’s happy then I’m happy too.I h

I haven’t done as many steps as I’d like today, but I did do a 40 minute workout on the exercise bike so I’m not feeling as guilty as I would have otherwise. Now my plan is to escape into another universe, specifically the Marvel one!

I shall update again tomorrow with my official weigh in results. Eek!

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x

Feelin’ Groovy

Life is good! I mean, I have a banging headache, but who cares? Nothing’s bringing me down today!

I’ve discovered something about myself. If I don’t have a deadline for something or at least some sort of structure then there’s not much chance of it actually getting done. I had plans to sort some things out during my three weeks off but I’ve been more productive cramming things in between the last three shifts at work than I did the whole time I was off.

My new routine has been working well, although the first day was a complete fail. I figured because of the poor sleep the day before that I’d crash out, but nope, it was even harder to sleep. But then by the next day I’d cracked it and although I took emergency caffeine to work I found I didn’t actually need it.

Today I work up early but I wasn’t up for long before I started feeling really sleepy, so I hung out with the green one for a while then went back to bed to try and sleep off the headache that was creeping up on me. I woke up feeling worse, but I’ve had a great sleep and I know it’ll see me through my shift. That’s a win!

The last few shifts at work have been OK, because I’ve been working hard on changing my perspective towards the place. Recently I’ve become so frustrated because as long as the work is done people don’t seem to care about rudeness or even people being downright dangerous. There are reporting procedures in place but no one sticks to them, and when I put in written ‘near miss’ reports they go missing or come back 6 months later when the offending person has usually already left. So no matter who I tell, no matter what colleague I ask nicely to please try not to kill anyone, nothing changes. So if the situation won’t change, then I have to change the way I react to it.

No matter what happens, my reaction now is to just keep on smiling. And so far, so good.

On Wednesday morning I left work on a complete high after having a conversation with a colleague who doesn’t work over my side of the warehouse very often. He recently found it very hard to get over a previous relationship, but he was telling me how he has now regained his confidence and what a great time he’s been having. His positivity was totally infectious and it was great to see him so happy.

Then last night I saw another colleague who again I don’t see very often, and we made another man have a (very minor) crash as he overheard us talking about boobies as he drove past. I also remembered how I used to joke flirt all the time and how much fun it was. I think I’m too serious these days so I want to lighten up a bit mentally as well as physically!

Best of all I can feel that I’ve lost weight, and although the temptation is huge I haven’t had a sneak peek on the scales. I also feel less bloated around the middle and my face is visibly less puffy. Yay!

Dinner is on the go now so I’d best be finishing that off, in between enjoying the sound of torrential rain, dramatic clouds and red rainbows.

Quickly, Quickly!

Even with the most boring of posts I often spend an inordinate amount of time writing them. But I don’t have time today, so I’m not going to agonise over every sentence (and still not be happy with it) I’m just going to get my thoughts down on the page. And after that? Bed time!

Work was worse than I thought it was going to be, because I completely forgot that my favourite work buddy has gone on holiday for three weeks. How could he do this to me?! On the plus side it means I don’t have to stress about reaching my performance target. When he’s in the temptation to natter is almost too much for us both. The last time I saw him I was literally in tears over some silly joke he made and I can’t even remember what it was now.

After my shift I wanted nothing more than to get into my nice warm snuggly bed, but I knew I was running out of nut milk to use as my Healthy Extra and that I had also eaten the last of my tomatoes. I HAVE to have tomatoes in the house, it’s the law. I also managed to get some sriracha mayo which popped up in Aldi some months ago. The vegan Slimming World community was going nuts for it because as you may have guessed it’s vegan friendly, but also it’s only 2 syns per tablespoon. I think normally mayo is at least 4 syns and probably more. Well I couldn’t find it in Aldi for love nor money but Tesco’s have just started stocking it. Woo! I’m ridiculously happy about this.

After my fruitful shopping trip I got into bed, but do you think I could sleep? Nope. Eventually I had two separate two-hour sessions of very broken sleep which is obviously not enough! And I couldn’t find my fancy eye mask either, which makes sleeping in the daytime that much harder. Hopefully Mr Postman will deliver my replacement by tomorrow, at which point the original one will no doubt turn up. Ho hum, at least I’ll have a spare.

I spent the afternoon spending quality time with Pea. We both have to get back into our routine, her especially, as she seems really confused that we aren’t spending as much time together now I’m back at work. It won’t be long before she adjusts though, clever thing that she is.

Speaking of routines I’ve decided to switch mine up a bit so that I have a sleep just before work. I find it really hard because on the one hand I like chilling out before I go in, but on the other hand it’s just too long a time between me waking up and actually getting to work. By the time I get there I’m ready for bed. So this week is not only about achieving goals but is also about being doing the sensible thing.

As such I’ve already prepared tonight’s work lunch and tomorrow’s too, had an early dinner, and prepared a low-syn snack to eat just before I go to work. That way there’s not a huge gap between my work lunch and the last time I ate. If I’m too hungry that affects my energy levels and concentration at work, so I have to be careful. If I actually stick to it, then this routine could be one I’ve been looking for. We shall see.

Because I am so pumped about being back on plan and am feeling so determined right now, I did something that could be disastrous. But it won’t be. I had an email telling me that a website I subscribe to has new vegan halloumi in stock, and I just HAVE to try it. It’s been around for about a month now but as soon as I try to buy it it’s sold out. So I clicked the link, and it hadn’t sold out at that point! But (and I’m proud of this) before I completed my order I checked the syn values. A quarter of the block is a very reasonable 6.5 syns, so I can try it and still have absolutely no reason to fall off the wagon. It’s dangerous, but I can handle it. Perhaps I won’t even like it. Either way I’ll find out tomorrow, because there is only one option for next day refrigerated delivery for, wait for it, £7.99 (shock, horror!) In my defence the only other option is travelling to London to get some and in all likelihood they’d be sold out and I’d come home empty handed anyway. There we go, I have justified the purchase to myself!

Right, now I have half an hour left to relax enough to get off to sleep. I can potentially get another two hours (that’s the plan, anyway). Here’s hoping!

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x

Weekly Goals

Every day for the last three weeks I could have happily curled up for a very long afternoon nap. In fact most days I did. Last night I stayed up as late as I could, and do you think I could get to sleep this afternoon? Nope, not a chance. I know I need to have sleep, but my brain just isn’t having any of it. Typical.

Maybe it’s because I’m a bit fired up now about continuing on my Slimming World journey (for want of a better word) and even though I’ve tried to clear my mind enough for me to doze off, all I can think of is making plans. I’ve decided that each Tuesday, after I’ve weighed in, I’ll update the blog with the results and post my goals for the coming week. That way I’m accountable and it’s easy to look back on them and see how I’ve done.

This week marks my 58th week as a Slimming World member. I suppose I can’t claim that I’ve been following the plan for 58 weeks, because as you know there have been many slip ups along the way. But that’s 58 weeks without giving up. I’m pretty sure that’s a record for me.

I did not get the spectacular loss I wanted, but given that I did put in a lot of hard work the majority of the week, I believe I got the loss I deserved. I lost 3.5 lbs making my total loss 5st 6lbs, with a current weight of 15st 12lbs. I’m back in the 15’s at least! Next stop, I want my 5 1/2 stone award back, and I’m going to try to get that next Tuesday. We’ll see!

So here are my goals:

  1. Stay on plan for 7 consecutive days
  2. Do at least 4 sessions on the exercise bike
  3. Catch up with watching my (horribly neglected) YouTube subscriptions
  4. Update my equally neglected YouTube channel
  5. Stay positive!
  6. NO DAILY WEIGHING

Number 6 is the most important, not because I’ve been letting daily weigh-ins affect my mood or anything, but because I want that excitement (and not a small amount of fear) back that I used to get when I weighed in. I’ve forgotten in recent weeks how much of a motivator that was for me.

There we go, there are some things for me to be getting on with.

I’ll keep it short and sweet today, quite simply because there’s not much else to say!

Thanks for reading,

Hayley x